Monday Update: 9/29/14

Well this was a week
Super Smash Bros (3DS): Second Appearance, Last Appearance 9/15/14
This is the most I've ever played out of a demo. Seriously, I stopped writing for like 8 minutes trying to figure out what other demos I spent even a similar amount of time with and I can't think of anything other than Skate 3, which I spent far too much time on despite the fact that I was just trying to land a 720 off of a tiny kicker ramp.

Anyway the news here is that I placed a pre-order for Smash at a local Gamestop and I'm gonna pick it up Thursday evening

Duke Nukem 64 (N64): First Appearance
I'm kind of embarrassed that I played this at all. I guess Duke Nukem just doesn't work in 2014. At least, that's what I've drawn from playing the N64 port of Duke Nukem 3D. It's not hard, and it's never particularly memorable either. Duke's dialogue was probably funny to some people in 1997 when it came out, and the Nintendo censorship toned him (and the game's atmosphere) down even further (you can visit an "army video" store which happens to have private booths in the back for... military reasons).

I didn't need to write the above paragraph, you already knew Duke Nukem was an outdated character and series, that's all that needed to be said. People alive in the '90s will continue to consider him a great character and yearn for the days when the Nukem brand of humor ruled gaming, but I won't miss him.

Harvester (PC): First Appearance
October will happen this week. I will not disclose how I will spell it this year, however I will point out that I'm gonna play creepy games. Not quite "scary" games, because I typically don't care for horror games, but I've always been a fan of this sort of weird, slightly off-putting type of game. Harvester is about a man who wakes up in a strange town with no memory of who he or anyone else is. I won't spoil the story, but if you'd like to watch my favorite commentary on it, check it out here.

NBA 2K14 (XBONE): Seventh Appearance, Last Appearance 9/15/14
There is nothing left to say here, I've already placed a pre-order for 2K15 next week.

Monday Update: 9/15/14

Two weeks ago I forgot to do anything the whole week. I was in shock last Monday, honestly, I couldn't believe that I had actually gone a full week without any sort of game-based stimulation. So I went for the overkill this week.

Tetrisphere (N64): First Appearance

BOOM right out of the gate, here's the triumphant return of The Monday Update to the forefront of the blogging scene, all approximately 18 pageviews of you per post are gonna go nuts, that's right folks, it's Tetrisphere. Tetrisphere isn't even really Tetris, interestingly enough, it has basically nothing to do with Tetris. Sounds like another Tetris sequel that I played once. It's not even like The New Tetris, it's barely even related to the principle of Tetris at all, it's not even like Tetris were it upon a sphere, it's just a weird puzzle game. 

NBA 2K14 (XBONE): Sixth Appearance, Last Appearance 8/25/14

It felt like an eternity had passed between me playing 2K the day before I left for school and last Friday, when I fired it up again. I watch a lot of Chris Smoove videos, and (though I didn't notice it until recently) after you watch enough videos, you'll notice that every game seems to end up with a last second shot either to win or lose a game. We used to refer to that as "The EA Glitch," wherein if one team had too much of a lead in games like NBA Live 2005, one quarter (typically the third) would see the losing team break off a string of points and you'd have a close game by the end of it. I didn't have that happen with 2K14 until recently, but when it happened, it was noticeable.

I'm not saying a tense game of basketball is a bad thing. But you start to notice a pattern when three of four games end up on your player's shoulders in the final seconds. (I made two of the three shots, just by the way) It's just annoying because I can tell that it's happening because the game's making it happen, is all. Still the best basketball sim I've ever played.

RollerCoaster Tycoon (PC): Third Appearance, Last Appearance 4/28/14

This game has sat upon my PC seemingly forever, I don't remember when I downloaded it from GOG, and I've only beaten one scenario so far. I'm about 2/3rds of the way through the second scenario now, but I figured out why I stopped playing it back on that fateful day in April: So much of RollerCoaster Tycoon is based around waiting. Sitting, waiting for the development team to think of a ride that people don't hate, and then finally pouncing, and making like six Go-Kart tracks with increasingly worse and worse names. In particular, "you fuckers love these karts," "NOW FOR THE RULES LETS GO TO MO," and "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T GO IN THE BLACK CAR."

I don't remember feeling like the waiting was that much of a toll back when I played RCT when I was 8 on the XBOX. I don't remember feeling like it was that much even back when I played it when I was in high school (Around age 15). But it feels like forever at 19. Maybe it's just that Neural Adaptation that we all go through. Note: Do not click that link because it'll prove me incorrect in that statement because Neural Adaptation actually works the opposite way.

The 7th Guest (PC): Second Appearance, Last Appearance 8/11/14

Oh yeah here's this game again. It's like MYST, except it's all in one mansion, and everything's told to you, and there's music, and cutscenes happen. I see what people complained about in MYST now, that many of the puzzles were too asinine and were wrapped in also asinine but far larger puzzles that didn't really require a walkthrough. My only complaint is that I think it'd be a better game if all of the characters were also butterflies. Well, that and the acting isn't exactly top of the line.

Super Smash Bros. (3DS): First Appearance
Alright well you waited six paragraphs for my opinions on this... and guess what: It's alright. I'm alright with Brawl, I like Melee a little more, and I also like the N64 game but not as much as Melee. I was never good at any of them. In 2007, I was absolutely taken over by the pre-release Brawl coverage. I went to summer camp for one week and nearly went insane, and when I got back, the only announcements were like "yeah Ness is in the game again yep, also the ray gun is in the game again."

The message there in the end is that I haven't been paying attention to any coverage at all of the new Smash Bros and I'm feeling much better for it. In fact, I didn't even know that a demo was out until my sister gave the code to me on Saturday. Here's what I think:
-They changed Mario's down-smash to something I'm not used to, which is a problem. Also they kept FLUDD
-The Villager is alright
-Mega Man is not my favorite by any means. Any time I have the choice between "projectile" and "also projectile," I choose someone else. I'm sure someone else will enjoy having him.
-Link is the same
-I miss my C-Stick because I'm bad at Smash Bros. Hopefully it's there on the Wii U. (From what I'm reading, it'll be present on the new 3DS models that come out later, but not with the old Circle Pad Pro thing they made like two years ago and nobody bought)

I may sound cynical, but I thoroughly enjoyed this demo and I'm actually very excited to play this with friends once it comes out. Thanks. Video games.

Monday Update: 6/16/14

Alright a bunch of whatever with little to no substance this week, sort of like... most weeks?

Mario Kart 8 (WiiU): Third Appearance, Third Straight Appearance
Well my sister left for camp for like the entire summer so looks like I have the Wii U and the family's one copy of Mario Kart 8 to myself FOR TWO MONTHS. Looks like I'm just gonna have fun being not all that good at Mario Kart.

I got fairly solid at 7, though never really "great" and I never figured out the Maka Wuhu trick. I was never particularly good at Mario Kart Wii, either, mostly because I never purchased it and instead rented it four weeks in a row from Blockbuster (It doesn't feel like that was too long ago, but hey, it was. Back in 2008 Blockbuster was really still the best option in terms of rentals compared to Netflix (whose streaming service hadn't totally taken off at that time) or Redbox (still relegated pretty much exclusively to McDonald's lobbies). Now, I haven't seen an open Blockbuster in over two years. It doesn't feel that long ago but hey, here we are.

I'm going to start trying online play later this week, so we'll see how that turns out.

Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and 3DS (Wii U/3DS) First Appearance
Oh, no, wait, no I didn't. I stood in line at Best Buy for 3 hours to be told that there wouldn't be enough time to get everyone through and then we had to leave. But I lost at Mario Kart 8 to some random kid and I did this:

also I had to work on Saturday so I couldn't ever make it to try it out. I'm gonna go ahead and say it's the best game I ever played and I've never seen anything more enjoyable in my whole life. Truly the most life-changing game I have ever tried, it will destroy all other forms of entertainment. Music? You have four months to come out with your final album, because the only thing that you'll need coming circa-October 2014 on 3DS and Q4 2014 on the Wii U will be Super Smash Bros. Movies? Stop making them. You're wasting your time. Theatre? Replaced by people playing Smash Bros. Hope you enjoyed the Super Bowl, we're never doing that again. Netflix? It's going the way of Blockbuster. Smash 4 is that good.

Castlevania (NES/GBA): First Appearance
I hadn't played Castlevania for the NES in probably about 15 years in all honesty, but I tried out the GBA port at Clay's house the other day and, unsurprisingly, I'm not good at it. Granted, Clay's Gamecube controller is fucked up, one of those third party controllers with the grips on the sides, and the A button is smashed in so it sometimes presses itself. I always preferred the later PS1 and Game Boy Advance style Castlevania games to the older ones.

Bram Stoker's Dracula (GB): First Appearance
Clay had me play this too. Imagine one of the most atmospheric horror movies turned into a Super Mario Bros. clone somehow.

Super Mario Land (GB): First Appearance
HEY! HEY! THIS GAME IS GOOD. PLEASE RECONSIDER ALL OF YOUR THINKPIECES WHERE YOU'RE LIKE "Hey actually Super Mario Land is bad because the turtles turn into bombs and the fire flower's different" AND JUST ENJOY IT PLEASE THANK YOU

NBA Live 2004 (XBOX): First Appearance
I'm considering an idea called "The Alternate Clay Bennett Timeline" in which the Sonics stay in Seattle due to a random number of coincidences and changes. It'll be like the Butterfly Effect mixed with the Mandela Effect mixed with AfterEffects and everything will be beautiful.

Thank you very much for reading the Monday Update, now go win some soccer games no matter who you are or what country you call home. Unless you're Belgium. I'll never forgive you for the Smurfs